The Power of the Inner Critic
You interact with dozens of people professionally everyday – on your team, in your department, your next level management and executives. They range from people you love who you hang out with outside of work to others that are definitely not on your Christmas card list.
One “person” you interact with all day long that probably didn’t come to mind is your inner critic. While it does not occupy the seat next to you or get a personalized meeting invite, it is a member of your “team” whether you intentionally invite him/her/it or not. And it is “someone” that you can’t simply fire when it builds a poor reputation for speaking out of turn, not contributing, and impeding action.
The inner critic has opinions about you, others, and circumstances and may chatter on incessantly when you are trying to focus on a task, be creative, or sleep at 2am. The inner critic puts the flavor and spice that can imply an unintentional tone on an email and makes assumptions about why something happened.
The inner critic is a fundamental player in our mental wellbeing and how we choose to react or respond to its input impacts our decision-making ability and our overall happiness. We all have this voice in our heads, its volume and percentage of mental capacity it consumes in a day varies. Did somebody touch that exposed nerve you have or push your buttons today? Can you say 0 to 60 in one second? The inner critic is responsible for many of the negative emotions we feel. It’s that voice in our heads that keeps us from speaking up at a meeting, giving that wild idea at a brainstorming session, and leaves us with a fixed mindset inhibiting our creative mind to flourish and effectively connect and communicate with those around us.
Here are some inner critic thoughts that sap your energy and creativity:
Why do I keep doing that? I’m never going to be able to…
I always let her walk all over me. She makes me so angry.
How many times do I have to explain this?
Why did this have to happen to us?
I should/should not have…
These negative thoughts of guilt, shame, anger, etc. deplete your energy when dwelled upon. Everyone talks about time management. Shifting the discussion to energy management… how much mental energy (and time) do you spend working through thoughts produced by this voice?
Some people have the illusion that it is the internal voice that makes them successful. They would be lost without this voice that commands them to do better next time. I, too, once was one of those people. While the inner critic has its place, it isn’t being the boss.
From a leadership perspective, the biggest take away here is understanding that each and every person on your team is engaged with this mental chatter ABOUT whatever you are working on. And when their inner critic is standing in the way of change and getting things done, it provides perspective that another email or meeting about the facts and data will be limited in effectiveness when you’re really talking with their inner critic. And it is even more challenging when your critics are driving the discussion.
There are two “channels” in communication; the facts and data channel, and the “motivation” channel. As a leader, developing the ability to see which channel the communication needs to be broadcast can make the difference. When you say you want to be on the same page as someone, the general idea is that you want the other parties to have the benefit of having all the same information. And at times your objective may have a flavor of “so that they can come to the same logical conclusion once they see my point of view”. This is the inner critic talking. If you enter in with an open mind truly interested the perspective of others and loosen your grip on your agenda (or let it go altogether), you are now positioned to have a productive conversation.
We explore together deeply in my leadership mental fitness boot camp. In six weeks, you will develop awareness of the negative mental chatter that saps your creativity and energy while strengthening your ability to shift into a growth mindset allowing you to put your best foot forward. You will have greater ability to tune into your own mind reduce the noise to signal ratio and begin to see how this presents in your team. You will experience more productive conversations, build better relationships, and experience new energy as you learn to tune in. For is reason, I have named the program the "Tune Into Your Team" Accelerator.
When you feel stuck on something today, take a moment and tune into what your inner critic may be saying about you, others, or the circumstance. Thank it for it’s input and take it as one perspective versus the absolute truth the way you in a group discussion with actual people. Take a few breaths before you get back to work. Once you increase your awareness of how this influences decisions, limits your thinking, and saps your energy, you can begin to put it in check.
Feeling inspired? Want to learn more?
Apply for next "Tune Into Your Team" Accelerator.
Looking for more insight on the inner critic? Sign up for February’s free group coaching.
